I'll be frank with you. This is not my idea. It shouldn't have been publicly visible. However, as because I do not have a life ( or a 'meaning' to it) I might as well pour out my innermost monologues of this past month. (This is an advisory given by my friend cum talented pshycoanalyst Viks) I have been thinking. Had most of us thought about that one day,we won't be alive anymore? Well, troughtout this entire period of delusion (which coincided with major festivalities: major exothermic firecrackers going of, pesky mutterings of relatives about your 'future'. Coincidential? No) I have taken such into deep reckoning, and came out frightened, shocked and finally, grieving. It was easy to get over the sudden depth of you not existing anymore. You just go *bampf*. No pain. No terror. However, after realising that it may not be anything more than turning off your computer screen, then it came. The profound sadness. The iminent lost of everything and everyone you love. It is just so heartbreaking. So horrendous. Death, as I may see it at that time, wasn't terrifying or sensational. It was a depressing farewell. However after much contemplation and reading, I had realised that death shoudn't be that. I have had a glance at the writings of those who deal with death at a regular basis (The hospice movement, that is) and I found out that death is a triumph for all of us after having struggled for our ideals and beliefs for so long. With a touch of honesty, I truly do not know the true significance of that view of life as because of the fact that I am still young and naive. Yet, I believe I had found comfort in it. After saying so much, I am still very much clueless at what death is. Like Confucious once said "How to know death when you do not know life?" Perhaps it would be better for me to take my life one step at a time than to rush things further. Or to contemplate in more abstract theories about the meaning, and the nature of life.